I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
