she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
