we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
