Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
