Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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