do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
