we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
