hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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