So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
