I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Barsexuality is the new black.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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