You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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