either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
