just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
