She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
