I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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