why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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