Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
