oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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