Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think we might need a safe word for this...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
