My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
