Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
