I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
