i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
