I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
