he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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