I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
