..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
