We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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