I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
