Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
