I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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