No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
