Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
