So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
