she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
