next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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