Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
