I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
