I think I died a long time ago.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
