When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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