I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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