They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
