Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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