Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
