Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
