When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Ketchup is God's man juice
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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