sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
