I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
