k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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