I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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