no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
