Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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