It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she pinky promised me she was 18
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
